harping on the same old stuff

I feel like all I can think about and write about is how tired I am, how frustrated I am with school and how miserable I am. And I am all of those things. To the point that I started exploring the idea of switching degrees – to a degree where I would only have 1 class left to take and then I would be ABSOLUTELY finished – and where I could drop the two Quad B courses that I’m scheduled to start in 2 weeks – freeing up a lot of my time. As it stands now, I have 3 classes left this semester, 5 classes remaining (4 “hard-core” courses and one “capstone seminar”), plus an internship plus a thesis. Oh how tempting that idea is….oh how tempting. I even emailed someone at Trinity with questions about doing this…that’s how tempted I am.

My big question, though, is would I really be happy with a Master of Arts in Christian Studies as opposed to a Master of Divinity. Obviously the MDIV carries more weight in academic circles, but really, am I doing this to be an academic? No, I’m not. I’m doing this for self edification and I really don’t need to have the MDIV letters after my name – I’ve accomplished just about all that I set out to do in this second, superfluous degree, so why, oh why, am I suffering like I am?

It might just be that I don’t want to be THIS CLOSE to the MDIV and not achieve it – I think it might be something that I would regret in the future, but would I really? What are your thoughts, oh mysterious people who read my blog? Please chime in and let  me know. Would you think less of me if I “settled” for the MA/CS? Or do you think I would think less of myself if I did so?

One thing is for SURE – if I do stick out this semester and finish the two Quad B courses and the one all-semester course – they would all be FINISHED – SIGNED, SEALED and DELIVERED kind of FINISHED – on May 2nd. Which means….that I would have a completely free and clear, mind-blowing relaxing and rocking time in Maryland! That is one thought that will keep me going, for sure!

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3 thoughts on “harping on the same old stuff

  1. K1Frog2 says:

    You know, don’t you, that YOU are the only one who can answer these questions? I mean, I won’t think less of you if you don’t do the MDIV. You’ll still be Tonja to me, no more or less. But will you be less than you dreamed of being without the MDIV? If you truly see it as superfluous, than why are you putting yourself through all this? And if it’s not superfluous, than maybe you should finish what you’ve started. Only you know what’s in your heart with this one. Either way, May in Maryland will ROCK!

  2. Mom says:

    As your Mom, I agree with K1Frog2. Only you can decide this. You must go back to the beginning and think: what was my purpose in pursuing this degree??? Was it just to have another degree? Or, were you going ‘to do’ something with it, like get some kind of job in that field? Either way, only you can decide. If you wanted to pursue the subject matter (for the sake of your own satisfaction), so be it. That has cost you time and money. It is, remember, your time and your money. If you could see this as something that you could use as another job (part time), what would it benefit you to quit or accept something less. You will be loved with either choice.

  3. terynjay says:

    Will YOU think less of yourself if you don’t do the MDV? No one else will, but you have to live with your decision and whatever it means to you. Why did you choose the MDV over the MA in CS when you started? What was your thinking there? If you knew what you know now, would you have chosen the other path?
    You’re awesome, no matter what letters you have after your name.

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