its because I have no neck

As I said in my post yesterday, I’ve lived here for 7.5 years making this my 8th winter here.  Please understand that when I first moved here people had to “teach” me how to wear a scarf and before you think “gee, isn’t she a little remedial…” let me inform you that scarfs as an accessory and scarfs as a necessity are two different things and are warn in completely different ways.  But that’s not what I want to talk about.  I want to talk about hats.  I’ve never been much of a hat person.  I’ll occasionally wear a ball cap but other than that I don’t like hats.  They simply don’t look good on me nor do they stay on my head all that well.  Imagine my **shock** when I moved here that in winder hats are somewhat of a, necessity, shall we say.  So I purchased a hat.  It was sort of Russian looking (I’m not good with descriptors here so please use your imagination), had a brim that was folded up and fit to midway of my ears.  In the store it fit nicely but as soon as I started wearing it with my coat and doing things like shoveling out my car (imagine the comedy surrounding the first time I did that– it was rather hilarious, but again, I digress), and the hat simply would not stay on.  So I purchased a hat that would go all the way down from my eyebrows, completely over my ears and all the way down the back side of my head as well.  It wouldn’t stay on either.  Then my Mom gave me a tam-like hat, somewhat poofy on my head, but with plenty of room to put my hair up and stuff.  It fell off too.  So last year I purchased a hat with a brim – think fisherman’s hat with stuff hanging down but without the stuff – and fur lined (fake of course, I am “green”).  I even hike my coat upon the brim in the back just to make sure that it stays on but it doesn’t. 

Now, after 7 years of struggling with my hats I’ve finally figured out why they don’t stay on my head when I’m wearing a coat.  Its because I have no neck.  Now lest you think this is a silly reason let me explain.  My coat has a collar that when zipped and buttoned comes up to my nose and half way up the back of my head.  This is a good thing.  However – stay with me here – when I put a hat on, then put my coat on and then try to move my head, the coat pushes that hat off.  Now if I actually had a neck then the collar would come up to my chin and stay at the base of my neck and NOT push the hat off.  It all has to do with the neck.  Thats all I’m sayin’.

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